Living Without Answers

Sometimes in life we end up in a place where we have more questions than answers. I’m one that has a super strong desire for answers, for facts and absolute truths and reasons for things. It’s a big part of why I’m a scientist.

I ask a lot of questions, not always out loud but constantly to myself. I read a ton and research to find solutions for problems and discover new information. One of my strengths is building and maintaining a large network of people with varied interests and experience so that I always know who to ask when I need an answer.

But right now I have a lot of “why” type questions that really don’t have answers. I know God knows the answers, but he isn’t telling me.

Why hasn’t IBESR (Haitian social services) issued their list of approved adoption agencies yet? Why are they holding up the process right now?

Why doesn’t my grandfather simply tell my grandmother they are moving to an apartment because it’s the best option and that’s that? Where did his backbone disappear to?

Why does my IT band hurt when I run despite weeks of rest, massage, tape, stretching and ice? Why can’t I just run ten miles like I used to?

Why is my church struggling so much right now? What is God trying to teach us through that?

Why did we ever teach my kids the myth of Santa? I’m at the point that I wish we hadn’t.

Ok I know the answer to that last one, I’m just not sure what to do about it at this point. I’m looking for more ways to capture my kids’ hearts and point them to Jesus.

Over the past few years I have become more comfortable with mystery and uncertainty, especially as it applies to God and His Creation. I have worked really hard to shed my Miss Know-It-All tendencies.

But today I feel like a three year old who asks their parent “Why?” every five minutes. Remember that phase? That’s me, asking my Dad “Why?”

Author: Sarah

Mom of three. Triathlete.