Today is the fourteenth anniversary of the day I married my partner in life. The funny thing is, I totally forgot. Life has been so far out of the ordinary for the past couple of weeks that I am just not aware of the date anymore. This day was not something I had particularly been anticipating.
I think that’s a good thing. Life is full and rich, we have other things to anticipate, and we recognize that our marriage itself is so much more wonderful than one day that occurred fourteen years ago.
At least I hope he sees it that way too. Considering the fact that I have always been the one to make a big deal out of holidays, I suspect he has always seen it this way. It just took a very full and satisfying month for me to feel this way too.
A bit of irony is that last night we had our final homestudy interview, during which we had to answer lots of questions about our marriage. Between these interviews and our necessary psychological evaluation, we have had tons of opportunity for forced reflection on ourselves and our relationship in the past few weeks.
My conclusion has been that things have never been better than they are right now. Lots of experience and growth and hard work has brought us to this place but I’m glad to be here. I’m also hopeful that more years will bring even more depth of intimacy and joy.
All this is not to say, even for a second, that things have been easy. Fourteen years of wedded bliss? Not remotely.
Marriage is hard work. It’s about serving someone other than ourselves, after all. It’s not about making ourselves happy. It has taken me a long time to really get that.
But it’s worth it. It’s worth all the sucky parts and all the sticking with it when it’s boring or distant or even painful. It’s worth investing everything you have into it. It’s worth being a servant to someone else. It’s worth knowing someone more deeply than anyone else, and being fully known and loved.
So hang in there.
But you’ve got to invest if you want it to stay good or get better. If you don’t invest continually, it will degrade and you’ll naturally drift apart. But if you do work at it, it can be beautiful and rewarding and bring real joy. Much like parenting.
“God knows we’re worth it.” – Jason Mraz