Tag: advice

Movies and Marriage

This weekend we had zero plans, so with my ample free time I ended up watching three whole movies.  I do LOVE movies, but I rarely get to see them anymore.  We have Netflix, but I am bad about keeping my queue up to date, and I keep forgetting about the whole instant play feature.  We had gotten Syriana and United 93 in the mail and I sat on them because they both looked so depressing.  So Friday night I popped in Syriana, and I was right, it was awful. Not only was it incredibly slow, with intricate plots and tons of subtitles, it had multiple scenes that were so disturbing even my jaded eyes turned away.  Blech.

Then I remembered the whole Netflix instant download thing, and I found The Proposal was available.  I definitely had been wanting to see that, since I love Sandra Bullock AND Ryan Reynolds.  This movie really was entertaining, with a great plot, great dialogue, and breath-taking scenery to boot.  But as is typical with most Hollywood movies, it makes a mockery of the sacred institution of marriage.

Then I found that Julie and Julia was also available for instant download, so I spent my Sunday afternoon watching that while everyone napped.  I had heard it was very uplifting, and indeed it was.  Unlike any secular movie I’d seen in ages, Julie and Julia is a true celebration of marriage.  It follows the lives of both the blogger Julie Powell and Julia Child.  Both women had husbands that were strong, supportive of their wives and deeply in love.  For the first time in a movie, no one cheated on anyone else, the men were not doormats and the women were not either, and their relationships portrayed exactly the kind of interdependency and conflict resolution I believe God intended for married couples.  Both the men and the women give ample public credit to their spouses.  I absolutely LOVED this movie and highly recommend it to anyone.

I’m really blessed to have the strong and happy marriage that I have, but of course it takes work to keep it that way.  We keep our focus on the Lord, work on keeping communication constantly flowing, and we brush up on our skills with seminars, books and Bible studies about marriage every now and then.  One of the best things I think we ever did was attend a Family Life Weekend to Remember back before we had kids.

I picked up two pieces of advice that I have never forgotten.  One is, always remember that you are on the same team.  A good practice when conflict arises is to take a pillow, throw it across the room, and remember that the pillow is whatever issue you are arguing about, but you two are battling the pillow together.  On the same team.  You verses the universe, so to speak.

The second thing I took to heart was the “Marriage is not 50/50” advice.  Everyone in our society thinks marriage should be fair, a partnership of equals where each partner does their “fair share”, or 50% of the chores, etc.  That’s exactly the  WRONG way to look at it.  Marriage is 100/100…give everything for you spouse. If you are waiting around for him/her to pick up the slack and do their fair share, you will never be happy.  If you are willing to do it all, give 100%, your spouse will see that and give back.  Before we heard that advice we often talked about who wasn’t doing “their fair share”.  Now that never comes up anymore, and we are MUCH happier.

Got any good movie recommendations or marriage advice to share?  I’m sure we would all benefit!

Connecting with Your Child’s Heart

works for me wednesday at we are that family

Let’s face it, every family has behaviour issues with their kids.  Some more than others.  Sometimes it’s just whining and complaining, sometimes it’s willful rebellion.  TV shows like SuperNanny* demonstrate the skillful techniques of behavior modification that are also grilled into the brains of teachers nationwide.  To an extent, things like “the naughty step” or “finding your child’s currency” absolutely do work.  But the fact is that teaching a child to behave in expectation of consequences, good or bad, often skips over the heart of the matter…your child’s own conscience.  Being able to mold our childrens’ very hearts so that they can choose right and wrong absent of the possibility of consequences is a higher goal than just getting them to behave. 
So here’s where I highly recommend a book that addresses this very issue.  It’s what works for me…at least as far as I put its advice to use.  The book is called “Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids” by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.  It has great advice for teaching kids about the concept of honor. 

Turansky and Miller also have an email you can subscribe to with great, practical parenting advice.  This week they had one I particularly loved on connecting with your child’s heart.  The post concedes that it’s not always easy, and gives eleven very basic ideas, such as telling kids stories about your own childhood without feeling there needs to be a lesson tied in. 

“In short, enjoy your kids and have fun with them. Take an interest in their lives. If you don’t feel like it, do it anyway. Your kids need your playfulness, love, affection, and joy. When you give to your kids, you contribute to their well-being and your family’s strength. Yes, it’s sacrifice, but the time you put in now will go a long way toward reducing friction when it’s time to confront or discipline.”

This totally hit me deeply as my husband has been out of town the past two weeks and I find it difficult to get the basic routine accomplished, let alone finding time for fun and connecting with my kids.  When our energy and patience are sapped, our kids know it and they are the ones that really lose. 

So making an effort to reach my kid’s heart is what works for me, and the book is a great help. 

Also I recommend you check out my dear friend Jo-Lynne’s blog series, Raising Responsible Kids.

*I just realized that my very first blog post ever, more than five years ago, was on my love of the TV show, Supernanny.  I still like the show, though I have learned a whole lot since that first post 🙂