Category: parenting

How To Get Your Kids To Talk To You

My seven year old, Nathan, is an introvert. He may have gotten my blue eyes, my curly thick hair and my height, but he has 100% of his father’s personality. He is usually so quiet and serious, processing everything in his head.

For the past three years Nathan has been going off to school for the whole day, every day, and I don’t get a daily written report of what happened like I did in preschool. I am always dying of curiosity when he gets home but he normally has zero desire to talk about it. It can be like pulling teeth! “What happened at school today?” “Nuthin.” “Anything exciting or funny happen?” “I don’t remember.”

I get a lot of “I don’t remember” and “I don’t know”.

So this week when I read the most wonderful post in the whole wide world by Jen Hatmaker, I was struck by her mention of a dinner table game she called “High/Low”. The entire family goes around the table taking turns sharing the high point and low point of their day.

Brilliant…turn it into a game that everyone in the family participates in.

So one night this week while my husband was away on a business trip and I was having dinner at home with the boys, I decided to try it. I first gave them my high and low, and then they gladly each took turns sharing theirs. I learned a lot and it really got us all talking about what happened during our day.

So the next night we were having dinner together at McDonald’s (special treat with dad out of town) and I decided we should try it again. My goal is to make it a ritual. One by one we each shared our high and low for the day, with Nathan and I having the same low of a time out for disrespect a hour earlier. I told them my high for the day was solving a challenging problem at work.

As soon as the kids finished their food they hopped up to go play on the indoor jungle gym. A woman sitting at the next table had been quietly looking at her phone, but when my kids got up she immediately turned to me. “I LOVE your high low game! What a fantastic idea!” I told her I loved it too but it wasn’t my idea. She said “My low for the day just happened and I’m still a nervous wreck. I was getting gas with my daughter in the car and I started to drive away with the gas nozzle still in the car! I’m so glad I didn’t cause some big explosion.” I smiled and we chatted a bit before I left.

We’ve played the High/Low Game three days in a row now and it has yielded much more information about what my kids are not only doing at school, but what they’re feeling about too. Last night my four year old even asked to play the game again.

In Which I Turn Into a Ball of Mush

This new year has ushered in a new awareness for me that my youngest child, Alex, will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. With an August birthday he’ll probably be the youngest in the his class but likely the tallest anyway and he’s ready so we aren’t red-shirting him. He’s been in daycare/preschool three full days a week for the past three years.

He has also been home with me on two days a week for the past three years. For at least the past year that has been very enjoyable time, one on one with my little man. Granted I do put him in childcare at the gym for a short workout those days, but we also hang out at our local coffee shop, hit the grocery store together and play games together. 
So one day earlier this month we were strolling through the grocery aisle on a Tuesday morning when it dawned on me that my little buddy wouldn’t be with me to do that in a few short months. It made me surprisingly sad. 
My older kid had two years of Kindergarten, one private and one public. For whatever reason I remember no melancholy over his going five days a week, or even taking the big bus home from school every day. 
But Alex is my youngest and I admit he probably gets treated a bit differently than his brother. I notice how he’s losing his baby belly and how he has peer to peer conversations with his brother. I hate that I can’t pick him up and carry him, even though I used to hate how much that hurt my back. He still is in a big silly phase and uses made up language all the time that remind me that he’s only four. 
A couple nights ago he crawled into our bed at 5am. I miss cuddling in bed with my babies so much that I’m inclined to let him stay but Mike was having none of it. It was becoming habitual and getting earlier and earlier in the morning. So when we told him he couldn’t stay he burst into babyish tears and I totally melted. In my early morning haze I had no resolve in me and selfishly wanted him to stay so Mike took over and walked him back to bed. In the end we all got another couple hours of sleep we wouldn’t have had. 
Kindergarten registration isn’t till April in our district, but I’m dreading it. I’m not ready for my baby to grow up just yet. Is this why some women just seem to keep having babies? I suspect it is.