Tag: WFMW

Connecting with Your Child’s Heart

works for me wednesday at we are that family

Let’s face it, every family has behaviour issues with their kids.  Some more than others.  Sometimes it’s just whining and complaining, sometimes it’s willful rebellion.  TV shows like SuperNanny* demonstrate the skillful techniques of behavior modification that are also grilled into the brains of teachers nationwide.  To an extent, things like “the naughty step” or “finding your child’s currency” absolutely do work.  But the fact is that teaching a child to behave in expectation of consequences, good or bad, often skips over the heart of the matter…your child’s own conscience.  Being able to mold our childrens’ very hearts so that they can choose right and wrong absent of the possibility of consequences is a higher goal than just getting them to behave. 
So here’s where I highly recommend a book that addresses this very issue.  It’s what works for me…at least as far as I put its advice to use.  The book is called “Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids” by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.  It has great advice for teaching kids about the concept of honor. 

Turansky and Miller also have an email you can subscribe to with great, practical parenting advice.  This week they had one I particularly loved on connecting with your child’s heart.  The post concedes that it’s not always easy, and gives eleven very basic ideas, such as telling kids stories about your own childhood without feeling there needs to be a lesson tied in. 

“In short, enjoy your kids and have fun with them. Take an interest in their lives. If you don’t feel like it, do it anyway. Your kids need your playfulness, love, affection, and joy. When you give to your kids, you contribute to their well-being and your family’s strength. Yes, it’s sacrifice, but the time you put in now will go a long way toward reducing friction when it’s time to confront or discipline.”

This totally hit me deeply as my husband has been out of town the past two weeks and I find it difficult to get the basic routine accomplished, let alone finding time for fun and connecting with my kids.  When our energy and patience are sapped, our kids know it and they are the ones that really lose. 

So making an effort to reach my kid’s heart is what works for me, and the book is a great help. 

Also I recommend you check out my dear friend Jo-Lynne’s blog series, Raising Responsible Kids.

*I just realized that my very first blog post ever, more than five years ago, was on my love of the TV show, Supernanny.  I still like the show, though I have learned a whole lot since that first post 🙂

Garage Sale Tales

So today I’m gonna share with you why shopping at garage sales works for me.  I used to hit up multiple neighborhood yard sales every weekend after we bought our first house and when my kids were much younger.  Now that we have much more disposable income and much less need for new stuff, I don’t do it as often, but recently I ventured out and had great success.

Our first house was furnished with many cheap yard sale finds, especially table and floor lamps.  The house had no overhead lighting so we needed a lot of lamps, and in case you haven’t noticed they aren’t exactly cheap.  So we had a ton of semi-ugly lamps that I found here and there for about $5 each. 

When I was pregnant with my first I started shopping yard sales for infant toys and equipment.  I bought a Baby Einstein exersaucer (probably retailed over $75) for $5.  High chair toys were $0.25 each.  And baby clothes are prolific at garage sales…stacks of adorable outfits for pennies on the dollar.  I kept hitting up yard sales as my boys grew, large toddler toys are usually easy to find for dirt cheap.  But now my kids are getting into the age where kids seem to destroy their toys or lose the pieces and it’s much harder to find decent older kid toys second-hand.

But a couple weeks ago my friend Stephanie mentioned on twitter that her nearby subdivision was having a yard sale day, and the weather was gorgeous, so I figured I would at least stop by her house and say hello.  I am the queen of the “yard sale drive-by”.  I can usually tell within 15 seconds of pulling up if it’s worth even parking and getting out.  I generally look for decent furniture or kids of a certain age.  Also real estate “for sale” signs in the front yard are a good indicator that the people may have a LOT of better quality things they need to get rid of before moving. 

I found one such house that had a for sale sign, a young mom and a boy about my son’s age, and a table covered in clothing.  I hopped out and walked over to the table to check out her boys clothes.  What I found was a gold mine to me.  Barely used jeans from the Gap, barely worn dress khakis from The Children’s Place, and nice cargo shorts from Carters.  They were all the size my oldest had just grown out of, but my youngest would someday grow into.  Not just one or two pair, either, piles of them.  I chatted with her about how we both loved to shop and buy our boys way too much clothing.  She admitted the clothes would go straight to Goodwill if they didn’t sell, so I took 5 pair of jeans/pants and 3 pair of shorts off her hands for $5 TOTAL.  They looked nearly new.  Unfortunately as with most boys, her son only wore graphic T-shirts (which I hate) so I didn’t buy any shirts.  I wished her well on her move to Dallas and off I went, thrilled to pieces. 

I didn’t see much else for awhile, but I came upon the house of a young couple with a nice looking shelf in their driveway.  I parked and looked at the shelf, but it was not my style, but a good quality tripod caught my eye behind it.  Now keep in mind, I’m a professional photographer.  I paid about $75 for my second tripod, after my first got destroyed from using it on the beach too much.  But that’s something I use a lot, so for $5 I was happy to pick up a backup one.  Now I can keep one in my car at all times and one in my studio office.  After picking up the tripod and walking around the driveway I noticed a nice new box of barware.  My husband is a homebrewer and likes to collect beer glasses, but my first thought was “we have plenty of those.”  Then I noticed the logo and caught my breath…I tried to ask as calmly as possible, “Do those actually have the Yuengling label on them?” 

You see, we live in Texas now, but we are from Pennsylvania.  Yuengling is brewed in Pottsville, PA and also in Tampa, FL but is not yet available in Texas.  It is by far and away our favorite beer…so much so that we have a throw blanket and wall hangings in our game room with the Yuengling logo. 

The girl hosting the sale said “I guess so, I have no idea what that is.  We received them as a gift and never opened them.”  I knew my husband would LOVE them, so for $5 I got a box of six brand new Yuengling beer glasses.  And then of course I bought the new tripod for $5 too. 

When I got home I surprised Mike with the beer glasses and he loved them and has used them every day since.