Social media has created a wonderful outlet for people to connect with each other and voice their opinions. Unfortunately those opinions can also serve to divide us and cause big rifts in good friendships. Before things like Facebook and Twitter we tended to have small circles of friends in similar stations of life to us. People whose paths we crossed on a regular basis were generally the only folks with whom we had meaningful conversations. Whether or not we want to admit it, we tend to surround ourselves with people with whom we have a lot in common. Mothers of young children in a middle class suburb usually end up friends with other mothers of young children in a similar income bracket. More often than not that means the world that shapes our opinions is similar and it can serve to reinforce our own perspectives.
It’s really easy to form a very strong opinion and have it backed up continuously by those around us. Politics and religion especially tend to be polarizing subjects, but even parenting styles and entertainment can be dividing. Once we have chosen which side of an issue we are on we have a tendency to go “all in” and start to believe that anyone with the opposite view is either stupidly ignorant or willfully evil.
That’s just no way to live. How boring life is when everyone is just like you. How bitter and angry people get when they insist that everyone unlike them is somehow trying to do them or the world they live in harm.
It’s really hard to reach out and “friend” people that hold passionately opposite views from me. I might think someone is really cool and smart and then suddenly they post a link and go on a rant and my opinion of them plummets. There was a time that I stupidly believed that if you called yourself a Christian you simply must have a particular political ideology because the opposite is unbiblical. That was ignorant. No one holds all the right answers and if you truly believe you do, this blog post isn’t for you. It really is worth the trouble to open your eyes and mind to other points of view on a regular basis. At the very least it helps form a more educated and easier to defend position.
Hopefully you see the benefit of making friends with “different”. The opportunity for learning when you form a solid relationship with someone unlike you is huge. So how do you maintain that friendship during election season? How to you keep from “unfriending” or “unfollowing” them or saying something that gets you permanently ignored?
- Focus on your similarities as much as possible. Remember, for example, that she’s a mom looking out for her kids just like you are.
- Find common ground on issues you disagree on.
- Believe the best about them. Assume good intentions. Assume they might just have a different means to the same end.
- Discuss in good faith. Be honest and not insulting.
- Be willing to listen. That means hearing and considering what they are saying, not just thinking about how you’re going to respond back.
- Be willing to read and do you research before you engage in a topic. Try hard to refrain from repeating verbatim the talking points of one-sided media sources.
- Be willing to admit when you don’t know something.
- Be willing to admit when you may have been wrong.
- Know when NOT to engage. Some people and their opinions are too blinded to try this with.
As you can see, maintaining these kinds of relationships and engaging well with people requires a huge dose of humility and some hard work. But I believe it’s worth it.
If it doesn’t work? There’s always “judicious use of the hide button on Facebook” as my lovely and different friend,
Sarah Bessey, says.
